“You’re so bossy”
“Be a nice girl”
“You’ve got to go along to get along”
These and so many more were the refrains of my childhood and early career from people who were supposedly trying to help me. I got feedback that I pushed people too hard, that I wasn’t nice enough, and that I needed to be kinder if I wanted to get things done. I was rewarded for my work, but held back for “my attitude”.
And so, I listened. I shut things down a bit. I started playing just a little smaller – not letting my light shine quite as brightly. I tried to change the way I showed up so it was easier for people to accept me.
The problem is, when you play small when you try to act in a way that pleases others, it isn’t authentic. I felt flat, sort of like I was living in a 2-dimensional world.
So, work suffered. Relationships suffered. My mental health suffered. I lost sight of who I truly was.
Eventually, I lost a job I thought I loved and had to do some serious reflection. I spent a year trying to find myself: with a spiritual leader in Europe, with a group of girlfriends in Cuba, diving into a coaching certification in San Francisco. When curiosity struck me, I followed it through shelves of books at the library and weekend workshops on many different topics.
It was in one of those weekends that I discovered the #Enneagram.
The Enneagram was like 3D glasses for my two-dimensional life. I had language for why I had a tendency to tough things out instead of being in touch with what I was really feeling. I developed a deeper understanding and appreciation for the power of my tender heart AND my strength and ability to get things done. The Enneagram unlocked a fuller version of me as I explored my unconscious habits and patterns.
Want to know more about this enneagram thing? Check out our podcast this week as Sherry and I introduce this amazing tool. https://lnkd.in/gGHUEgbD
And, yes, I am still bossy, not always the “nice” girl, and I fairly regularly buck the system. But now I am doing it from a much more awakened space. I have more insight into why I do the things that I do, and have more capacity to choose how I want to turn up in any particular moment.
All those things I used to be told – they are a part of me, they’re just not all of me. Anyone who tries to paint you in a corner, make you play smaller, or change who you authentically are – those are not your supporters.
Finding who you truly are is the privilege of a lifetime. ~Carl Yung
