Last month I sold my home in Oakland, CA that I have lived in for the past 6 years. I didn’t have a plan for where I wanted to move. I hadn’t found my new dream home, nor did I have any idea what might be the right zip code for me, but my gut was telling me now was the time to let go of that home.
And when my gut talks, I do my best to listen. Even though I had such a strong sense that this was the right time for me, I felt like I was sitting in a small boat with no sail, motor, or rudder and just barely holding onto the dock with my fingernails. I felt that as soon as I let go, I’d be out to sea without a compass.
This isn’t the first time I’ve willingly sailed off into the unknown. When I ended my marriage, it felt like the worst thing that could happen. I was giving up the familiar for an unknown future. It was SUPER hard at times – I packed up all my belongings, said goodbye to dear friends and a rhythm of life that felt comfortable, and moved 3,000 miles across the country.
There were times (like, a lot of times) when I felt completely alone, scared, and unsure I had made the right decisions.
That was many years ago, and now, with the gift of time and distance, I know that move allowed me to spend the last two years of my father’s life with him, rekindle essential friendships, and open doors to career opportunities I wouldn’t have had otherwise. What felt like a completely painful time in my life, ended up creating small miracles.
That’s the thing with hindsight: it’s like 20/20 vision, whereas looking into a potential future is opaque. So we often play small, stay in situations we should leave, or tolerate people and things we may need to shed. Instead of embracing the unknown, we do everything in our power to hold onto that “dock.” Yet, it is often that surrender into the unknown that provides the most remarkable opportunities for us.
How Do You Know When It’s Time to Surrender?
If your natural inclination is to push hard against uncertainty, you’re probably feeling pretty exhausted right now. There is so much uncertainty in our world, and we are all working overtime to try to make sense of it all. However, constant “efforting” rarely gets you anywhere other than totally burned out. In her article, How HR Leaders Can Adapt to Uncertain Times, Sue Bingham points out we need to adopt a complexity mindset. Effort alone won't help us.
In the first few months of COVID, my primary job became helping people feel “normal” at work. To make sure they could do their jobs from home, stay connected with their colleagues, and provide a sense of safety at a moment when the whole world felt upside down. I literally worked overtime to hold the unknown at bay.
Did that work have merit? Absolutely. It helped ease people through those very anxious early days, and it gave me a sense of purpose. But now here we are, eight months later, and not much has changed. We know a bit more about the virus, but we still have no idea what’s around the corner.
At this point, to keep pushing against the reality of our situation would be counterproductive and could potentially cause us to miss out on entirely new possibilities. In a recent post, I wrote about taking a leap of faith. Here, I am suggesting we just let go. Self leadership is key and Margie Warrell does a nice job outlining this in her article, Leading Through Uncertainty.
Surrender Doesn’t Have to Equal Defeat
In yoga, there is an important philosophy called Santosha, which means contentment or acceptance. It invites us to surrender to the reality of whatever situation we find ourselves in and to let events unfold rather than working hard to manufacture the next step.
It isn’t an easy concept to embrace, especially in a culture that expects you to be continually working towards the next big thing. And if you’re an overachieving doer like me, surrendering to uncertainty can feel like giving up, especially during painful times.
But if you can learn to be content with “what is” while living through a pandemic, divorce, death, illness, or any other major life transition, imagine what you’ll be capable of accomplishing when it doesn’t feel like the world is completely upside down.
Easy Ways to Start Practicing Surrender Right Now
Incorporating Santosha into your life doesn’t require a total overhaul of your personality or daily existence. It’s a practice, and as with any practice, your best bet is to start small.
If you want to run a marathon, you can’t do anything until you lace up a pair of sneakers. Even then, you don't run the marathon tomorrow….you practice. First, you might run a block, then two, and eventually you build up to meet your goal. Same with Santosha. Here are a few simple ideas on how to begin:
- Pause and breathe: Make time each day to shift focus from tasks to yourself. Sit down, close your eyes, and literally just pay attention to your breath. Whether you call this meditation, or simply pausing, you can create moments of mindfulness and be fully in the present moment.
- Go for a Walk: This is another opportunity to practice mindfulness: listen to the quiet and open your senses to what surrounds you. Notice every small thing, such as the color of the leaves on a tree or the number of clouds in the sky.
- Pick up a Hobby: Find a tactile practice like painting, knitting, or gardening that allows you to get out of your head and into a state of flow.
- Capture your thoughts in a Journal: Journaling can help you understand “where you are.” Notice when you are pushing against and when you are going with the flow. Acknowledge the reality of what is and write down the feelings that come up when you practice letting go of just a little bit of control.
The Hard Truth About the Pandemic
There is nothing we can do right now to make COVID go away. Yes, wear your masks and practice social distancing, but that doesn’t immediately change the state of the world. And that’s OK. Acknowledging the situation opens you up to powerful lessons you might miss otherwise. Kind of like letting go of my house in Oakland... I still don’t know where I want to live next…but I can’t wait to find out!
When you practice letting go of control, you never know what magic may arise.
How have you dealt with the uncertainty of the last several months? Do you have a practice that keeps you grounded in the present moment, even when staring into the unknown? Leave a comment and let me know!
