It was a normal work day, in a regular, standard-issue conference room: chicken scratch on the whiteboards, computer cords strewn like silly string, windowless; seemingly purposely bland. I was brand-new in my career and had a great mentor who often gave me the opportunity to be in senior-level meetings. I was excited to be there: usually, it was an amazing opportunity to see how the company I worked for actually worked. With my newly minted degree in hand, I was getting a chance to peek behind the curtain of the inner workings of a large corporation.
On this particular day, my mentor was running a few minutes late; it was me, and a group of senior (male) leaders. There were lots of suit jackets, a bit of backslapping, and a whiff of testosterone.
Out of nowhere, one of them started talking about my high-heeled black boots. I had actually saved up for those shoes and I had matched an outfit to go with them as I got dressed that morning.
At first, I took their comments as a compliment… I was feeling those shoes.
But then I realized they were not talking to me. They were talking about me. One particularly “witty” guy called them “cat woman boots.” Someone else commented on my ability (or lack thereof) to go running to “fetch” something.
I felt small.
I felt objectified.
I had no idea what to do. I was the only woman in the room; the only single person, the youngest, and the least tenured.
Luckily my mentor arrived and put an end to this particular brand of bullshit.
But the damage was done.
This incident is really relatively minor compared to how some people are treated. As small as it was, the imprint was formed and I was forever changed. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to be “othered” on a regular basis; the lasting pain it must cause.
I was reminded of those boots and how I felt when Dr. Deborah Egerton joined Sherry and me this week on our podcast. Deborah is a master teacher and thought leader. She has spent most of her career educating individuals, groups, and organizations about diversity and inclusion. Deborah roots her work in helping people “Know Justice, Know Peace,” also the title of her upcoming book.
I’m sure the guys in that windowless conference room didn’t realize the impact they were having on me. This is exactly why Deborah’s work is so powerful. She helps people understand themselves and others; she provides context to how our words and actions impact the world around us.
Please find this important conversation here: https://lnkd.in/gGHUEgbD or wherever you listen to podcasts.
