This morning I woke up to a BuzzFeed article that enticed me with:
23 People Just Got Real About the Reasons Why They Got Divorced.
Putting aside the eye-roll-worthy clickbait nature of it, it got me thinking about how important it is to tell your story. This particular listicle from BuzzFeed might allow someone else to see their situation with a new perspective. Others telling their story might be an unlock for someone struggling.
From Marianne Williamson:
“…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
There is power in truth-telling, authenticity, and vulnerability.
In the context of the workplace, we often convince ourselves that there's a dichotomy between our "professional self" and our more personal self and that these two aspects should never intersect. I've encountered leaders who tightly guard their personal thoughts, feelings, and emotions to the point that their direct teams struggle to connect with them in any meaningful way. This pattern can create distance, detachment, and discord.
A couple of years ago I was working with a group of leaders who had been used to independently running their own offices. Over time, they had come together under one umbrella and were led by someone they considered an “outsider.” There was a bit of chaos as everyone was still trying to operate autonomously and do their own thing. The “outsider” was doing everything in his power to lead the group effectively and had put every business operation, plan, and strategy in place that any self-respecting CEO, referencing their handy list of HBR articles, would do.
It wasn’t working.
After doing some digging, and trying to understand what was happening with this group, I invited them to each share a bit more about themselves with each other. It was super helpful and I saw more genuine connections between people. The energy at the dinner after our day was done was different - more joking, less work talk, and more true enjoyment of their time together.
That alone, however, wasn’t enough.
What really ended up making the difference for this team, was “the outsider” being willing to go further: when he shared his fears about, well, being the outsider, and the struggles he was having in his role, first one person and then several, offered to help. The personal stuff laid the foundation, but it was when he was really able to share what was truly happening for him on the work front that things started to shift. It was not all solved in one conversation, but over the course of the following year, this team continued to evolve into a more highly functioning group.
You never know the impact your words may have on others. When I had a manager early in my career share her personal experience of being the only woman in many boardrooms, it helped me when I faced that same situation. When a colleague struggled with whether or not he should come out of the closet, it not only showed me how to hold space for him when he needed it, it also helped me support others when they were making similar decisions. I have had people repeat things back to me that I had said to them earlier in their careers, and I had had no idea the impact I was having (I’m sure there have been some with the opposite effect as well, but that’s a topic for another blog!).
Trish Hegarty joins Sherry and me on the podcast this week. Trish was on the #cbs show #survivor in 2013, but way before then she was already surviving in a personal hell of an eating disorder that she hadn’t shared with anyone. It was only when someone else was brave enough to share their own story that Trish was able to heal.
Now Trish openly shares her story of all of the ways she has been a Survivor. Listen in to hear a part of her amazing #perfectlyimperfect journey. Check it out here, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
